Completely fed up!
A self-composed hate mail to myself

It's been a fucking age since you've put some new content on the site. In terms of fruitfly generations, a colony of 3 headed mutants that die 2 seconds after birth have had enough time to evolve well past an Orwellian version of an ant-farm, except with fruitflies, that is now single-mindedly focused on leaving earth in a vast spaceship so that they may then turn their hideous technology back upon this ass-fest and turn it into some kind of slag (also hideous), recreate it in exacting detail at the center of the sun, using some arcane device (also technology), and collectively sit back in their fruit-fly couches, most likely made of used diapers far in advance of what we can now produce, and laugh their nasty little asses off. Run on sentences not withstanding, my point is clearly non-fag in nature.

But being as the kind of truly creative spume you can produce when not filtering your tea to its properly robust consistency or checking yourself repeatedly for colon cancer (without gloves), is clearly not the generic tree-grown variety, I will attempt to provide some inspiration.

Here's your central theme; Planetside is ass. It's not *really* ass, but it has so many great points of attack that it's an act of derision waiting to happen. Starting with this link.

Here can show that someone was stupid enough to make, not just a screenshot, but a high-res *wallpaper* that shows a character's foot clipping through the ground in a highly conspicuous way (guy on the right in the event that it is not quite as conspicuous as I might have hoped). Regardless, while this may initially be no more than the most recent in a long line of questioning what's wrong with various PR personnel, it dovetails nicely into a discussion of how the cinematic, or marketing art, both on the site and the box resemble the game about as much as Metal Gear Solid resembles Zelda (I might go so far as to say that's a comparison between the original nintendo mgs and the most recent cell-shaded zelda, but the burden of that kind of creative freedom is really yours, not mine). Ironically the more highly detailed pieces play a game which appears marginally more interesting to play.

I would then, in no particular order mention that, rather than picking 3 distinct color schemes, the designers chose ones which are both flamboyantly homosexual and yet, equally, hard to differentiate in the heat of playing their frame-dropping piece of shit; that the aesthetics of the 3 sides are a mixed bag of ass and barely acceptible, with the possible exception of the Terrans who are leaning towards the ass side of things; and finally that the grotesque stylings of the 3 groups are schizophrenically avoided in the design of the few vehicles. Other comments can be interjected, possibly including mockeries of the various 'slogans' which supposedly capture the attitudes of the 3 sides (for instance the Terran 'loyalty until death' might be better as 'Situational homosexuality until death' or the vanu sovereignty's 'technology equals might' being wittly retooled as 'Technology equals Situational homosexuality'.

Then, having passed each of these points, given them their proper due in turn, and determining that the game is already kind of like tribes 2, in as much as its a waste of potential, a repetitive multiplayer experience (not quite even massively so), irritatingly similar to counterstrike (the grain of truth in an otherwise unreasonable conservative christian world view that believes we're all headed straight to hell), and dumber than a multi-head ass-gorilla, you can move on to a longer indictment of the fact that they expect a normal resperating human with more than 2 neurons and a garnished wage to page $15 a month for the privilege of doing something that isn't any god damned fun, or at least, when it is, not nearly $15 dollars a month worth.

Continue in this manner assembling random images and asides which relate the game to erectile disfunction, bob dole, an unnatural increase in generic viagra spam-mail, and their interrelatedness, have the Sheer Spandex hat make an appearance, and end on a cheerful note, such as reminding everyone that Sony Online Entertainment also gave us the flesh-melting Everquest and it's ensuing expansions. That would make a decent update. Or shit, post this mail and claim I'm a goat-fucker on loan from the Green party who somehow made it to an email terminal, and after trying to mate with it, or confusing it with a Tivo, wrote this mail as a by product of being in some way functionally worthless as a person. I wouldn't mind so long as you updated the fucking site.

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